Her Choice Killed Her
Last November 2, a young girl of 12 looped a thin rope around her pretty, fragile neck and hanged herself inside their makeshift home. It was said that she did this out of desperation that she and her family will be stay in the muddy pools of poverty forever. But this despairing child also had her dreams: a new bike, new shoes, jobs for her mother and father, and to be back in school. She wrote these in her diary. Was she able to write down her thoughts of ending her life as well?
A lot have already expressed their sympathies for this girl and her family. It was said that she and her sad story have put a face on poverty. Or maybe, more importantly, it has given us the intermittent jolt that we need to be reminded that we aren’t all comfortable and well-nourished. Some also said that this story of Mariannet should make us remember the lies that our government officials feed us. But then, even if our government lie to us, steal from us, cheat on us, it is also important that we, ourselves, should try to contribute to building our society and help our brothers in need.
While that most have blamed poverty and corruption in the government as the killers of Mariannet and the thousands of Mariannets all over the country, I think we may have been setting aside something that is equally important that we should address immediately: mental health in children and how the society views it.
Children Can Also Have Depression
I agree with Ms. Noemi that the media has not treated this story of Mariannet well because most have focused on the poverty angle as being the stressor that brought her to a decision that the only option available to her was to die. But poverty itself isn’t just the core reason why a person or a child would choose to die by killing himself. Take away the poverty from the child, make him rich and wealthy, and still he might think of killing himself, finding some other reason to do so.
It is my guess that the child Mariannet Amper might have been suffering from severe depression when she killed herself. Other than being more lonely than usual, children with depression usually manifest with irritability, insomnia or hypersomnia, or are easily upset when they don’t have things their way, just like with Mariannet who got upset when she did not receive money from her father for her school project. Depressed kids, when confronted with a situation like this, would usually take the hurt deeply and would think that they must have done something wrong that’s why their requests were refused or that they aren’t loved, as kids of this age are still egocentric (although slightly less as compared when they were younger, like when they were 4- or 5- years old).
I also suspect that there are more sources of stressors at home than at school, since Mariannet, herself, prefer to be at school most of the time, as evident in her diary. We could only speculate, though, as she did not really specify what caused her to be lonely at home. Perhaps the arguments at home, between parents or siblings, tended to affect her that much. If there had been domestic abuse, it could also cause her to be depressed (but this, of course, we have no evidence just yet). There are studies that show that the combined effect of maternal and paternal mental health symptoms can greatly affect children’s behavior. If both parents, or any other persons at home that the child consider as authoritative, display negative symptoms of poor mental health, the child would also display negative symptoms, even if other than depressive symptoms.
Another interesting fact of the matter is the instrument of death. Mariannet chose to use a rope. According to Kaplan and Sadock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry (I highlighted the text):
“…the most common method of completed suicide in children and adolescents is the user of firearms, which accounts for about two-thirds of all suicides in boys and almost one half of suicide in girls. The second most common method of suicide in boys, occurring in about one fourth of all cases, is hanging; in girls, about one fourth commit suicide through ingestion of toxic substances…”
The choice of firearms as the most common method used in completed suicides is understandable since it brings about the quickest death (there will be no time for “hesitation cuts” as common with adults who try slashing their wrists) and needs relatively the least effort (kid only has to only point the gun to himself and pull the trigger). And it is also believed that boys usually choose the more violent way of taking their lives (as perhaps influenced by the promotion of rough play in boys but less so in girls). But, in Kaplan and Sadock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry, cases are found which show that violent methods in suicide in children have become increasingly equally frequent in both boys and girls. So, in the case of Mariannet, it must have been just as simple as finding a rope lying around in their house and deciding that she could use it for her death. Though, in my opinion, it would have been more expected if she chose to just poison herself, since a lot of our common household cleaning substances are toxic themselves and, I think, more easily available than a piece of rope that’s even long enough to be used for hanging herself.
What We Can Do For Children With Depression: Overcome Our Fear Of Talking About Suicide With Children
If Mariannet was indeed, depressed, she wasn’t able to get the health she needed to help her learn how to synthesize solutions to her problems and coping mechanisms to immediate day-to-day stressors simply because we aren’t that much aware about the importance of mental health, how prevalent it is, and how to deal with it.
One reason (and perhaps the number one reason) why not much emphasis is placed on taking care of mental health is simply we do not understand it, thus, we fear it. Most of adults would have doubts about asking a kid if he has suicidal ideations out of fear of instilling the idea himself by asking. S.A.V.E. or Suicide Awareness Voices of Education suggest that we should be honest with children regarding suicide (you can click on the link to read some more advice as to how to do this). According to Suicide and Mental Health Association International:
Having suicidal thoughts now and then is not abnormal. They are part of the normal development process in childhood and adolescence, as are working on existential problems and trying to understand life, death, and the meaning of life…
…Suicidal thoughts become abnormal in children and adolescents when the realization of those thoughts seems to be the only way out of their difficulties.
These children suffering from depression mostly need someone who cares to talk to, not simply looking for sympathy but rather looking for someone who could help them clarify to themselves what they are feeling. And it is up to adults surrounding the child to be able to find a way to reach out and help her entangle herself out of her confusion.
So, for the parents, it is important that they try to overcome their fear of popping the question and be in touch with their children’s feelings as they may already be exhibiting telltale signs at home that they’re already suffering from depression. Also, I think, it is vital that we start some mental health programs in our communities and schools, for these are places that children spend most of their time: playing, studying, and socializing with other people.
Media Glorifying Suicide Can Dangerously Increase Suicide Cases Among Children
The reason why I have misgivings about the way media has portrayed this issue about Mariannet is because of the so-called Werther syndrome. The syndrome refers to the tendency of disturbed youngsters to imitate highly publicized suicides and was named after the protagonist in Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s novel, The Sorrows of Young Werther, who killed himself in the story. This novel was banned in some European countries after its publication more than 200 years ago because of a cluster of suicides by young men who have read the novel. Some even dressed like the young Werther before killing themselves or left the book open to the page describing his death.
I’m not saying that we ban all books exhibiting suicide scenes altogether. We just have to be careful in treating issues related to deaths by suicide in children (and in adults, as well).
But with the way media is playing it all up (the reports on sudden increase in help, both monetary and in kind, for the family of Mariannet, the continued digging into the family story that could have triggered the suicide, and even the never-ending feeding of stories on TV news shows about people who tried to jump from buildings, hostage themselves, and more), some vulnerable people may get the idea that they’d be able to get more help and attention if they kill or harm themselves. There’s nothing wrong with helping other people. But the media should be able to present the different views for a certain issue.
Church In Dilemma About Burying A Dead Child?!
Another irksome matter for me regarding this issue about Mariannet is the Church acting to be in “dilemma” about having this child buried with Catholic funeral rites (since Mariannet is a devout Catholic, according to her family).
I do not understand why the Church has to have doubts about giving what is understandably and rightfully requested by a family for their child who is devoted to her religion. While I don’t care much about putting religion in funeral rites (that is, of course, my personal opinion), the family will be obviously affected, offended, and hurt, if their request is not granted. And since it has been said that the new code of the Canon Law did not say that those Catholic persons who killed themselves cannot have Catholic funeral rites and burial in the church’s cemetery, then what’s the point of having the doubts? Was this simply a case of some priests not updated with new laws in their religion or of refusal to let go of medieval way of thinking?
Really, I could not understand a religion that has an obsession with sins.
But, as I understand, the family did get their wish and Mariannet was buried last Saturday with funeral rites administered by Fr. Zenon Ampong, parish priest in Barangay Ma-a. Good for him for not condemning a child as being “sinful” enough not to receive even funeral rites.
Who Killed Mariannet Amper?
Amidst all protests and opinions about this issue, there’s one voice that caught my attention: We killed Mariannet Amper because we failed to do anything to alleviate poverty and to prevent corruption in the government.
I feel that there is something wrong with the statement.
I will say that we haven’t been vigilant enough to protect our country’s interest against the sharks in the government.
I will say that, while I do not hate those who belong to the richer classes for enjoying their wealth (for not all rich people cheated some other people just to get rich and that I believe that most have earned their wealth honestly), for being socialites or fashionistas, or for being just the way they are, I do not approve of the widening gap between the rich and the poor.
I will say that for all the charities that I have given and done, it may not be enough to alleviate poverty but it’s, at least, enough to have made some happy and comfortable for a little while.
But I will not say that I killed Mariannet Amper.
For one thing, though the responsibility to help those who might be in need of help lies in the community, still, it was Mariannet’s hands that put the rope around her neck and it was her arms and legs that had let go of all her weight so that she may hang herself and die.
A sad, unfortunate choice for a child, which I pity, but still, a choice made by the child herself.
But what to do? To take on the guilt? But what will that do?
It would be better if we do not say “we killed Mariannet Amper”.It would be better to say, “Let’s be more sensitive to the Mariannets around us so that we may be able to help them realize that, in looking for a way out, there will always be a choice and it need not be death .”
Filed under: News And Social Issues, People by Prudence
finally a very relevant and comprehensive entry. I contacted the office of Sen Defensor Santiago, the author of Senate Bill No. 1946 STUDENT SUICIDE PREVENTION ACT OF 2005 filed in the 13th congress. Her staff told me it was refiled or is in the process of refiling in the 14th congress. And a senator-friend promised to follow it up. There is still so much to learn about suicide. Thanks for posting a balanced entry that informs.
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[...] 3. Tess Termulo Her Choice Killed Her [...]
to noemi:
Thanks.
About the Student Suicide Prevention act, I hope it pushes through. But I think there would be a lot of revisions before we get the perfect draft for it.
This actually reminds me of the Virginia Tech shootings and the issues raised in the discussions after about how far should schools go in preventing suicides (and murders that can be brought about by a rampaging suicidal student). Of course, the questions raised about how much privacy should be kept, when should the school take action, who should know the information gathered, etcetera, are all understandable and these may be the very same questions that we need to answer in order for this Student Suicide Prevention act to work.
The catholic church, hypocrites ever. They sympathized over her tragic death and yet they’re on a dilemma about burying her.
It has become a customary here in the Philippines to blame someone for something. Everyone blames everyone, but rising up before a crowd to make stand and owe responsibility is a rarity amongst everyone.
“This is because the Church puts the highest importance on the salvation of a person,” — duh? yeah right, whatever.
How dare the church to blame the society, when they themselves are promoting poverty with their crappy anti-family planning advocacies.
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The discussion whether poverty alone or poverty causing or leading to depression, and that depression led to her committing the suicide would be a long debate.
It is very sad that The Filipino culture is not so much into treating psychiatric disorders. I had a case of a bipolar a few months back and it was only when the young man was under my care that we were able to diagnose him to suffer from bipolar. Good thing I had a psych background so I was able to handle it well. He was at the verge of suicide. His parents, who are poor and uneducated did not know it is already bipolar personality disorder or label it depression when it was already a repeated behavioral occurrence. They thought the young man was only “tired” and needed to rest.
The practice of psychiatry in the Philippines, would perhaps still take a long course. Only the learned and moneyed people get the services of a psychiatrist. At this point, the poor will have no access to it. (see? It would be a long debate because it would also be a ‘chicken or egg’ thing). They do not even have access to basic health care, how much more with psychiatric help?
The case of Mariannett should not only be seen at a psychiatric viewpoint. There are many ramifications of many stimuli that may have caused the suicide. Apparently, poverty was tagged and highlighted as the culprit. Clearly, there is an interplay of social, cultural, economic, environmental factors and even the current family conditions.
Granting that children are supposed to have better defense mechanisms, Mariannet’s case was different. Perhaps, Mariannet was at the point when she felt no one could help her–not even her parents. The community where she lives ostracized them. Who else could she turn to? She was confused, felt so low about. Was there any point of continuing her existence?
Western countries have taken bold steps towards promoting mental health, as what you have mentioned about SAVE. Sadly, if there is one here in the Philippines, it is nil. The social welfare department is ill equipped. The Guidance Counselors of schools are not also well-trained. It is also systemic in nature.
I apologize for this long comment. But your article really caught my attention.
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WE are as a country has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, especially our aboriginals and the main cause as answered by inquiries after inquiries are alcoholism, drugs, lack of meaningful jobs and the boredom of life in reserves and for those in the “mainstream” mental illness and depression. Also the availability of firearms (50 % + of suicides) contributed greatly to ease of committing self-homicides. But unless the suicide involves commissions of crimes (murder- suicide) or a prominent public official, to publish about the incident or cause it to be known without the permission of the next of kin is a violation of Privacy. And of course even the Church people can not violate that Privacy.
But the authorities always maintain the records and statistics for corrective measures and one measures is the Registration of Firearms and stricter requirements of acquiring one. Also investing a lot or resources for Guidance Counselors at Schools for emotionally disturbed students and the perennial problems of our Aboriginal are addressed aggressively by the Federal Authorities. And the poverty alleviation programs, especially those that are disabled physically and mentally and the minors. (Children under 18 gets allowances from the governments) and how do we make these possible, by minimizing waste in government and somehow cutting down corruptions to negligible…and we are not the rich country as most think we are, Singapore and Taiwan is even richer than us per capita, it is just a matter of Priorities..
I always believe that the Governments of all levels have the greater role in helping alleviate the problems.
The case of Ms Amper is a tragic one. A child has a dream, like any other child and they are at a stage where their parent so busy making a living that needs guidance outside of family and the school is the best resource to provide such, and I suggest to the Government of the Philippines not to do a “penny pinching” for the Education Budget and Social Services, especially for the Child Welfare as they are the Future…the Philippines as it is now can look for the brighter future and they are its children… the adults that are running the country are not the beacons we once hope for…
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It’s not easy to kill anybody, even harder to kill yourself. It takes more than poverty and hopelessness, really the mind has something to do with it too so I also believe she has severe depression. It’s very evident with her journal entry naman. Extreme poverty, depression, etc. all contributed to her death. I’m sure there are a lot who are suffering the same things as her and it’s like a ticking time bomb but mental health isn’t given much importance in our country. Consulting a psychiatrist is expensive. I have to pay P1,500 just for an hour tapos there are the expensive medicines pa…
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[...] I wanted to blog something about suicide because of the blog of Liz about another suicide supposedly attributed to poverty, and because I want to advocate that the media should stop this media-hype because of the possibility that suicide might actually be “copied” and misconstrued that it is cool to commit suicide as what Prudence has mentioned in her blog as Werther Syndrome. [...]
A lot of good discussions.
Depression? I’ve gotten my foot in *that* door before. It’s not easy.
Off topic, I was amused by SAVE. In high school, our “political” party was called SAVE - Student’s Active Voice in Education. Hahaha! Wala lang.
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[...] 3. Tess Termulo Her Choice Killed Her [...]
It’s so unfortunate that the media hasn’t been handling her story well. Yes, poverty is such a big problem in the country and it may have contributed to the girl’s depression but to present it as the main/sole reason behind her suicide is false information. As far as I know, no report touched on the girl’s possible mental condition and most just dwelled on the poverty angle. I agree that stress and depression in children are actually burgeoning issues that need our attention.
Maybe our dislike of anything that concerns mental health is cultural; most Filipinos assume that a person who gets psychiatric help or therapy is “sira-ulo” or “baliw”.
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to Lalon:
“This is because the Church puts the highest importance on the salvation of a person,”
— the Church should definitely learn that the end will not justify the means. It only needs to look back at its dark history and they’ll know that they’ve been having a hard time learning this lesson.
to inkblots:
“They do not even have access to basic health care, how much more with psychiatric help?”
— I think, at this point in time, it would be almost unimaginable that the whole country would have the ideal health care system. But at least, we could start somewhere: awareness. This is why whenever I have patients that may seem to be in need of some psychiatric help, I do try to encourage them to seek consult without them having to feel that I’ve already branded them as a “nut case” or “siraulo” or “baliw”. But I have to admit, though, it’s hard making people understand that having psychiatric or a psychological disorder doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re crazy.
to vic:
“to publish about the incident or cause it to be known without the permission of the next of kin is a violation of Privacy.”
— I think, if that’s a rule in this country, we’ve already violated it. Filipinos just wouldn’t stop gossiping about someone who committed suicide and would relentlessly dig into the possible causes: infidelity/adultery, sibling rivalries, arguments, domestic abuse, etcetera. I’m not proud of it. But it is certainly an irony since, while most would be more than willing to talk about a suicide after it happened, not everybody would be brave enough to confront the possibility of it, especially if it involved someone they know.
“And the poverty alleviation programs, especially those that are disabled physically and mentally and the minors. (Children under 18 gets allowances from the governments) and how do we make these possible, by minimizing waste in government and somehow cutting down corruptions to negligible”
— Now, I hope we could also do that here. Although, I don’t think being able to eradicate corruption in the government or even at least keep it at a minimum will completely solve the problem of poverty. But, of course, it will greatly help if most of our country’s resources will be available to the citizens. Another importance piece of the solution is the willingness and the drive of the citizens themselves to improve their lives, despite the difficulties.
“I always believe that the Governments of all levels have the greater role in helping alleviate the problems.”
— I think that is what governments are for: to help out with managing the nation’s resources without interfering unnecessarily and too much with the way the citizens choose to live their lives.
“I suggest to the Government of the Philippines not to do a “penny pinching” for the Education Budget and Social Services, especially for the Child Welfare as they are the Future”
— I don’t know the exact percentages but I feel that the government is not giving enough for the education sector and for the social services. The quality of education has been steadily declining.
to dementia:
“It takes more than poverty and hopelessness, really the mind has something to do with it too”
— That’s what I thought and that’s one of the reasons why I wrote this post. Most people, I think, are beginning to believe that if we take away the poverty, kids will not think of having suicides anymore. Though poverty is already complicated and hard to resolve, the solution to preventing suicides among children, adolescents, and adults alike is more evasive still because, among the other factors that are important for consideration, the problem of suicide is deeply personal. You have to understand the thought process to be able to help people with suicidal tendencies.
And, yes, unfortunately, seeking psychiatric help definitely comes with a price. Medications already are expensive and the follow-up consultations should be consistent. I do not know how we’d be able to help the poor to be able to get the mental health care that they need but somewhere, somehow we’d be able to think of a way. Well, I think we ought to.
to carlshark:
And I believe a lot of cases of depression are undiagnosed simply because not all who’re afflicted with it would be willing to undergo psychiatric treatment. And also, it often goes unrecognized.
to psychogoddess:
“most Filipinos assume that a person who gets psychiatric help or therapy is “sira-ulo” or “baliw”.”
— Yup, you’ve hit on it. It is not uncommon that I encounter some patients in the emergency room and even at the clinic that are in need of psychiatric help and even the slightest suggestion that I’m advising them to have it would cause them to put on the defensive stance and say that they’re not crazy to be needing it. It’s hard to erase from the minds of the people that having a psychologic problem or a psychiatric disorder automatically makes one “crazy”.
Sad and tragic really. True she might have suffered from depression at the time and even before her suicide, but alas poverty will again rear its ugly head when they go seek professional help.
They had difficulty providing for her school fare and allowance, professional - medical help? It would be another great challenge for their family to provide for such.
Searching for someone or something to pinpoint the guilt on is no longer the issue. What’s more pressing is that society and government must act now before more follow her fate.
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very interesting read. some people just went crazy when that story went out. i know i did, because I came from a poor family and yes, suicide also crossed my mind. not because i was raped, heaven forbid, but because it was tough to be poor and to fit in when your clothes are always hand-me-downs, and wonder about an absentee father and stuff like that. those are difficult things for a child to take in. still i didnt kill myself. a lot of the people who commented in my blog were from similar situations, and yet they are doing well now. there are many reasons why a child would kill herself, and to a certain point finding out the real reason can help us deal with what happened and punish the violater if there really was one. but the most important impact is that “jolt” that reminded us to be better citizens, to be better parents, to be better at improving our finances so we can help others. for these alone, we have to be grateful that people responded to the story; that people were not past feeling. the media blitz can be a bit frustrating to watch, but the quiet impact on people’s lives, i think, is the one that is not often talked about but equally as significant.
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speedos in teens…
speedos in teens…
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