UPDATE (09/11/07): To the people who understood what I’m trying to say, thank you. For those who didn’t get it, well, sorry. It’s useless to waste time on people who easily jump to conclusions and wouldn’t want to hear the other side of the issue. I can’t believe some people are still like that. I’m going to let this issue rest.
UPDATE: I actually dreamed earlier that he reacted violently about posting this in my blog. Why should I drag this in public, he said. Well, if he only settled this through YM or GTalk, then perhaps it could have been finished by now. And this is my space to rant anyway.
It’s a wonder how some people, who somehow felt offended by which I treat or talk to them, would choose to don the invisibility cloak and stab me because I don’t see the knife coming. Or choose to remove me from their friends’ list without saying a word and then feel threatened if I try available means to communicate and ask why they did it and what’s bothering them.
I’m sorry if I’m dense and cannot pick up your subtle hints but I won’t ask forgiveness for something I don’t think I’m guilty of or something I don’t know I did. But for whatever reasons that you stopped considering me as a friend, I find it rather unfair that you’d arrive to a conclusion before you gather all the facts or verified whatever you think are facts. I’ve already reached out to close the gap but you CHOOSE not to reach out in return. I have done my part, and you did not.
It’s disappointing that you think that way. Surprising, but immature.
September 10th, 2007 at 13:18
I know what you feel, Tess.
It usually annoys me when people, uh, friends, do not reach out in return when you’ve done everything possible to make amends. Making the first move is hard enough yet all they throw back to us is this cold, silent treatment. Ugh.
Methinks it’s just not worth the effort anymore.
September 10th, 2007 at 13:49
You’re one of the most level-headed blog friends I’ve got. It surprises me that anyone would react to you in this kind of manner.
Well, worry not, Dr. Tess. If this is what your friend has decided, well then, perhaps it really is better that your bridges burn.
September 10th, 2007 at 14:53
aww. I hope you both could talk and clear things soon.
September 10th, 2007 at 14:59
Funny, I’m writing (not blogging) about the same theme. It can be really frustrating and annoying when friends drop you from their list without making you understand why. In my case, I must have done something that made that friend decide to ditch me. But it’s just unfair when they don’t tell me why. All I can do is speculate, examine myself, forgive, respect the other’s decision, and then move on. It’s a painful reality but I can’t force myself on other people, and I can’t force friends to keep me as a friend.
September 10th, 2007 at 15:05
Whoever you’re referring to in this post might have felt annoyed or even creeped out by your approach. Offended is such a strong word. Whatever reasons he or she had, I believe the decision he made is for the best.
Just my two cents’ worth.
September 10th, 2007 at 16:23
to Coy:
Thanks. I’ll just have to see what happens next. I won’t bother him anymore. If he doesn’t make any moves to close the gap, then perhaps he doesn’t value friendship that much at all.
September 10th, 2007 at 16:25
to ganns:
It surprised me, too. He even greeted me on my birthday through twitter. And then poof! Gone!
How will I know what I did wrong if he isn’t going to tell me? That’s all I’m asking.
September 10th, 2007 at 16:27
to Laarni:
I hope so too.
September 10th, 2007 at 16:30
to Frances:
Yes, it’s quite unfair. Like not being given the chance to defend yourself. Maybe he didn’t get his facts right. I think I deserve a chance to defend myself.
Well, yes, while I cannot force people to keep me as their friend, I just feel dismayed at how such a friendship could end just like that. Without even settling issues. I don’t even know what the issue is about.
September 10th, 2007 at 16:33
to Big Blue Boyscout:
Annoyed that I’m trying to find out why he did such things? Am I not entitled to know? Well, perhaps he thinks that way because he does not value friendship at all. But I do. That’s why I don’t get it when people just choose to withdraw from the friendship and never even explaining why. It’s unfair and inconsiderate. I’d rather a friend come straight up and tell me what makes him/her angry and then leave if he/she wants to. I’d respect that. But to just suddenly drop me out? Inconsiderate.
September 10th, 2007 at 17:52
prudence, there are a lot of characters in this wide world of ours. there are people who would just turn their backs and if asked they’d say ‘i’d rather not talk about it’ and that too we have to respect. for me those that don’t really come up with explanation don’t deserve to have one. there are always friends you can depend come high and low…
September 10th, 2007 at 18:16
to vic:
“there are always friends you can depend come high and low…”
— good thing I’ve got lots of those.
All I’m asking is to be treated fairly. I’m not pushing him to do something that he doesn’t want to do. By all means drop me out of that list. But I just want him to know that the question I posted is something that is being truly asked. While that he may say he is under no obligation to explain himself to anyone, then he may just be the kind of person who does not see fair treatment of people as important.
September 10th, 2007 at 18:25
like what I’ve told you.. I know the feeling sort of sucks.. but I guess some guys are really like that.
i hope eventually you guys will sit down and talk. ^_^
September 10th, 2007 at 18:53
to Lalon:
If he keeps on thinking like that, then better to let go of this issue altogether. Sayang ang effort if he keeps thinking he’s being put under obligation to explain himself rather than thinking that an explanation is quite natural. Not worth fussing about.
September 10th, 2007 at 19:27
There will always be two sides of the story. But based on your story, I believe this person just wants to let it be. No explanation. This person can’t deal with whatever it is you both had. Some people aren’t confrontational. No matter what you do, these type of people just want to disappear. There’s not much you can do but talk/rant/vent about it here and then just let go.
September 10th, 2007 at 19:34
to Noemi:
We never had anything. I was simply asking for a question to be answered. I don’t know why it rubbed him the wrong way.
But well, yeah, you and Frances are right on this one. All I could do is just rant and then let go of the issue.
At least, I know I’ve got nothing to hide. I took actions that could perhaps bridge whatever differences there is, to settle the problem. But, of course, all efforts would be futile if the other person does not deem it necessary.
So that’s it. It’s just sad that some people are not open to discussions.
September 10th, 2007 at 19:36
to Noemi: (continuation of my previous comment)
Jon said that maybe he isn’t the confrontational type. Maybe he is. But isn’t it better if you come straight up with what you’re thinking and then leave if that’s the way he wants it to be? At least, I think, that’s the way adults settle differences or problems.
September 10th, 2007 at 19:44
@prudence- you will be surprised. I’ve dealt with people who would rather not talk at all even if it is the mature way to clarify issues. Hope you feel better soon.
September 10th, 2007 at 20:09
it might be that he is not aware that there is a friendship to ruin. he might think that you’re not close at all, hence, the lack of response of any sort. i always thought friendship has to come from both sides—-and both sides must have the same definition of the word. otherwise misunderstandings such as this occur.
i suggest you let this go for the moment and start on another foot. i suppose he isn’t the sort to keep grudges if you gave him enough space, really, most guys are like that. try to build a real friendship this time. something he acknowledges.
September 10th, 2007 at 20:35
to liz:
Then perhaps my mistake is that I consider most people that I meet and that I was able to share some general conversations with as friends. I’m not even saying we’re close friends. And with the treatment that I’m asking for (an answer for a question asked nicely or even a just a general answer that he prefer not to say anything about it as one would say when a stranger asks you something), I think it’s just rather fair and natural as for two people who are civil to each other. My usage of the term “friends” here are general in nature, no implications whatsoever of being close friends.
Well, I’m not bothering him anymore. I’ve said my piece.
September 10th, 2007 at 20:39
to Noemi:
I’m okay now. For a problem like this, the best solution perhaps is to just not make a big deal out of it. I cannot make all people see what I’m trying to say nor will I able to see everything that other people might be trying to make me see.
September 11th, 2007 at 8:23
Now you have a flamer? Cool!
Anyways, what happened? I sure missed a lot.
September 11th, 2007 at 8:39
to jhay:
He’s not a flamer. The story only is that I noticed that he suddenly dropped me out of his friends’ list. With no other means of asking, I sent him a message through twitter, Gtalk, and YM, asking why he did so. But he didn’t reply. Then somebody told me that they read somewhere he said he’s being cyberstalked. I simply don’t understand what made him think of it that way. It was just a question being truly asked. But well, some people easily jump to conclusions. Or somebody fed him some wrong information. I don’t know. I’m just letting him be. All I know is that I didn’t do anything wrong.
September 12th, 2007 at 18:38
Doc Tess cheer up!!! - a true friend is hard to find - you still have me - i can be your friend though we haven’t met each other yet but through this blog, i find you nice and humble.
September 12th, 2007 at 19:16
to Coolguy:
I wish you’d introduce yourself so that I may know you. Thanks for always visiting my blog.
September 13th, 2007 at 14:03
Not a prob but in proper time - i guess.