The Oracle and The Architect
An SMS conversation dated March 7:
Friend:? Pangalan mo sa phone ko, Oracle.? Si —— ay the Architect.? (Your name in my phone, Oracle.? —— is the Architect.)
Me:? Wow!? Eh di ibig sabihin lagi kami at war niyan?? (Wow!? So that means we’re always at war?)
Friend:? Yes, without the knowledge that one complements the other :-).
No, we haven’t really been at war with one another.? But as days pass and we get into more conversations (tons of talks we’ve had over seemingly random topics that were actually roundabout ways of getting into one place), all the more I realize it does make sense:? I am the Oracle and he is the Architect in our own matrix.? Two souls whose lives are intertwined but will never really be together, simply because we aren’t.? Not because of the meaningfulness, the rightfulness, the wrongness, the should-haves, the ought-tos, or the untimeliness.? We just aren’t.
I’ll have to describe both personalities.
The Architect is the box within the box.? He sets the limits.? He sets the rules.? But he himself is confined to the limits.? And he rather likes it that way.? He only takes calculated risks.? Each problem for him presents an equation to be balanced and solved.? And these problems are to be solved only by going through the series of conduits that has made the box.? His box.? He thinks of himself as the controller because he knows all the consequences of each possible choice.? But such power he has that he begins to see mediocrity in all of it.? He cannot lift a finger anymore to do anything because all consequences of that simple act he had mapped out already and all choices presented by such an act, he was disinclined to make.? Ironically, his power has rendered him helpless.
The Oracle, compared to the Architect, seems absurd.? She speaks of prophecies of the beginning of the end, ambiguous are her guiding words.? But she, herself, refused to be kept in the confines of the box.? For these, she seemed illogical and foolish.? But what may be mere prophecies could actually be resignation to accepting choices made.? No, the Oracle does not believe in destinies.? She only believes in accepting responsibility for choices made.
Such were the differences between Marius and I.
Once I’ve asked Marius how he’d know if he has found “the One”.? He said, “that if the person is the One, it’s total, without questions, without doubts.”
“But what if you couldn’t find her?”? I asked.
“What’s a lifetime in the spectrum of eternity?? Ergo, everyone’s given a choice to settle with the second best.? Some choose to.? Some have disinclinations towards such choice,” he replied.
The SMS conversation went on.
In a gist, I think he’s disinclined to make a choice because he fears he cannot stand by it.? He would rather hold on to his idea of his perfect “First Choice” and not make a choice rather than risk making one, in fear that he made the mistake in choosing.
I don’t know if he even considers me as a choice.? But I’m saddened by this “disinclination” of his.? Because for me, he is worth every risk.? But if he thinks I’m not worth it, then what is the use fighting for it?
So I let him be, him and his perfection and his fear of mistakes.
Would he realize how much he had lost?? I hope so.
Filed under: Lifelogs by Prudence
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Interesting metaphor, Dra. Tess. Both personalities have their own ( )s and (-)s, but really, it’s not impossible for the Architect to get out of the box he imprisons himself in. Maybe someday, someday.
If he’s worth all the risks, try still. He sounds rational enough, too rational perhaps, but still you know that he’s responsible enough for every action he makes.
And did he say he has a disinclination for settling for the 2nd best?
No, I don’t think he’s learned to accept responsibility for the choices he makes. He still feels that each action occurs as a consequence of what must be, according to the rules. What will happen, will happen. Just like that.
I think it’s more of his inclination not to make a choice and hoping that everything will just work out as it should be, like he is waiting for all the events to occur by themselves. He cannot make a choice. Simple as that.
The problem may be that he’s too wrapped up with the idea of a perfect choice as a first choice that he may have overlooked that what he may be thinking as second best is perhaps the best choice of all.
Another possibility is this: According to a close friend of ours, “liking someone is different from entering into a relationship with that someone. Some things are beautiful only because we can’t have them. Perhaps, if that guy is a very practical guy, he knows that a relationship will put the girl into a different light - and that means exposing her flaws…and if the process does not favor both of them, they’ll end up as strangers when the relationship ends. Perhaps he is too enchanted by this girl and he just wants the girl to remain as elusive as she is, the kind of girl that would give him a nostalgia in his dying days. Admiration and emotions effected by multi-colored dreams tend to last forever. This is the response of a renaissance artist.”
Again, there’s fear of mistakes, marring the idea of “perfection”.
He’s an amalgam of an artist and a rationalist. So he’s quite a complicated guy
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I can only sympathetically agree with your re #7 - living healthy sure costs a lot..