Prudence and Madness

Months after a long rollercoaster ride of mixed emotions brought about by cheating boyfriends, financial crisis, and family frictions, it feels good to finally start having a life that is almost at equilibrium. It’s nice to have a normal, manageable life for a change.

If I were to list down my usual activities, this is how it would look like:

1. Wake up at around 9 am to check emails
2. Go to the gym, do workout for 2 hours and then, rest at the gym lounge reviewing my med books for an upcoming exam. I’ve started on Immunology - probably not my best subject when I was in med school.
3. After 3 or 4 hours of review, I’ll leave the gym so I could go malling or book hunting at Fully Booked. And maybe do a little bit of grocery.
4. Go home. Watch American Idol if it’s a Wednesday or Thursday.
5. After a bit of TV, go blogging and checking out other blogs. If it’s a Saturday, go play badminton with friends.
6. Sleep at around 1 or 2 am.

The life I’m describing may sound boring to most people. But I like it. It gives me peace of mind, something that few people would even kill for. To some people I may appear a loner (except on Saturday nights) and pathetic. Yes, I am a loner, but I love being with myself. I’m not pathetic because I truly enjoy what I’m doing. I need not be around with giggling friends all the time. I use the time with myself to focus on doing the things I love without thought of what other people might think or say about it.

My ex would say that I’m only pretending to be happy with my life. If that’s what he thinks, I can’t do anything about it. And why do I have to care? He’s out of my life now, as he chose to be.

Despite some problems with money, relationships, and career, I’m feeling better now than last year. Now, I feel I have more control of the situation. And maybe acceptance of the situation helped me alleviate the feeling of helplessness. Not that I’m succumbing to the idea that the events are “meant” to happen. I’ve just accepted that these things DO happen. I just have to be strong to face it, if I want to live.

And I choose to live.

And I cherish the freedom that I have now. I may not have all the comforts. But I have realized the greatest power I have: I realized that I make my own choices and I stand responsible for those that I’ve made and those that I’m going to make.