Prudence and Madness

Sigh. I haven’t done any studying today. Wasted too much time. But I can’t really think straight or retain any of the review materials with throbbing headache and swollen tonsils. And now I feel so lightheaded…

Though a little sick, I did manage to go to the mall earlier this night (Can’t resist the temptation to get out of the house :->) because my mom was craving pizza to sink her new dentures into hahaha. And after dinner I walked into my best friend, Mutya, with Nel and their family. I was so excited because I haven’t seen her for awhile. We had a short chat, though, because, of course, we’re in a crowded mall and she just looked tired. She’s getting married December this year and I will be her bridesmaid. So, I really have to lose some weight before gown-fitting day…

Also, my other best friend, Grace, is getting married November this year. Actually, just one week earlier of Mutya’s wedding. She and her fiance will be coming home from Texas to get married here in the Philippines.

Wow…two closest people to me getting married in one year. I know I should be happy, but, I feel a little bit sad. Yup, I’m happy for them because they’re finally settling down and be with the men that they love.

They’re going over to the other side and I feel kind of left out.

well, it’s not really that I envy that they’re going to get married and I’m not. I’m not ready for that. I’m still starting my career and I have to do a lot more for my parents. But I realize it felt sad to be rid of two of your single girl friends in

just one year. Yeah, I know, they will still be there for me. But I’ve got to be honest to myself. The life of a married woman would be different from an unmarried one. I already started feeling this vast space separating the single woman’s world and that of a married woman since last year during a holiday reunion of friends. It was as if the group was divided into two, though we’re just sitting around the same table. On one side, single ladies were talking about work and the problems they’ve encountered in the corporate world. On the other side, the married women were talking about housekeeping and taking care of the kids. And so I was caught in the middle of it, not belonging to either side.

But then I remembered that I’ve mentioned this already to one of the close guy friends that I have. I told him that I’m worried that they were all getting ahead of me, having work already and some have families. I told him that they were growing too fast and I felt left behind. He said, yeah, maybe I am a little left behind because of the nature of path that I chose. But, I should learn from him. He started early, got jobs in reputable companies, and now he has lost his amour for the corporate world. He’s retired now actually and has managing a business of his own. He told me that once I started with my career, I’ll leave them all behind because by that time they would all be stuck in limbo, thinking of what else they haven’t done yet and settling down to married life, having decided that it’s all that’s left to do. That will be my time of “revenge” then.

Haha, I smiled at the mere thought of that.

29 days before the Medical Board exams…

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

I guess everybody are in their favorite gimmick spots right now. And I’m stuck here at home I really, really hope that I’ll pass the boards. I’ve been wanting to go out on a gimmick for weeks and I want to drink, party, and have fun! I think I’m slowly going crazy being stuck here at home for such a long time. That’s a big sacrifice for a drifter like me haha…a person who wanted to be out of the house all the time. I mean, I want to go anywhere…just anywhere not inside the house. Well, maybe one thing that could tie me down inside the house would be the computer! I like to surf the Net (obviously). Though I can do that in the internet shops, it’s different when I do it here at home where all my files are stored, all the gadgets are in, and it’s free (Uhm, not really, it’s just that I’m not paying for it! :0) )!

Been watching the news…same old problems really. The opposition is now preparing for the ammended impeachment proposal, which would be presented on Monday (I think). People, from different sectors of the society, are now clamoring for the president’s resignation. However, I’m not really sure if this is truly representative of the country’s sentiments. I, for one, I’m not really in favor of the president’s abrupt resignation. Some of my friends, too, are not in favor of such a haphazard way of dealing with this serious political problem. I say let’s follow the rules. Start the long impeachment process. A long time it may take before a resolution could be reached. But it’s the right way. We definitely know it is the right way. And it’s on black and white. Admissible to any court of law. Justifiable in any court of law. I’m not a law expert. But it is something, that I think, common sense should be telling us.

Many would say that patience, at this time, would not be a virtue anymore. Our country has long been in the clutches of ever-worsening poverty afflicted all underdeveloped countries worldwide. We have suffered too much from foreign tyranny, from local government abuse, and from our own countrymen’s apathy. Time to make a drastic change in how we live. And that time is now, this is what the pro-resignation people would say.

I don’t have to look far to understand this. All I have to do is switch on the living room TV and listen to the police reports of criminals caught being interviewed. One guy was caught by the local townspeople, accused of having raped a thirteen-year old mute girl. When asked why he did the crime, he simply answered, “Type ko kasi s’ya (I liked her).” Could anyone be more blunt than that? And then, there were four men who robbed a middle-aged lady and his son P18,000 when they were on their way to Divisoria to buy vegetables for their mini-grocery store.

So sad. Our people have been reduced to mere shadows of human beings…animals acting on impulse rather than will. Survival comes first before one could think of idealism. It’s one of the rules of evolution.

And to add insult to injury, our hope, the young Filipino graduates, are fleeing the country in search of a brighter future…a future that seemed already dim if they stayed. These young blood that could perhaps make the land fertile again by bringing new and modern life…the very people who could save the country from total destruction are, ironically, leaving it.

But who could blame them?

Survival first before idealism.

And with this, may be it’s really just up to us to do our best and make this a better place for us who are left here. But, for how long can we still hold on? How do we know what to do when today there is a blurred line between what is right and wrong?

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Time is already running out on us.

This is starting to get out of hand. Do people think they can make our economy better by forcibly ousting the current president? If only they realized that they have wasted a couple of workdays’ equivalent of salary just to march in Ayala, shouting at the top of their lungs that the president should resign. And because of what? For an audio tape that they were told is evidence that the president cheated during the elections. I bet not everyone of them has heard the contents of the tape. Who are they to pass judgement so quickly?